over time

~ just show up and see what happens ~

*if you’d rather hear me read to you :)

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What if I told you that time is a man-made construct? That the universe is so, so old that our magnificent brains, which are capable of so much, can’t even begin to comprehend the wisdom that’s accumulated after 13.7 billion years?

We do our best to make sense of the physical world by establishing frameworks and leaning on classical mechanics to rationalize the observable. We use ideas like quantum entanglement to theorize about all that lies beyond our immediate perception. We lean on our awe-inspiring organ as a processing center, but let’s face it: we get so preoccupied by the external that we forget to look inward to access the deepest, most powerful Knowing of all.

On my birthday, I mentioned that I’d be returning to the basics: breathing, drinking water, sitting still. As I’ve sat in meditation, I was guided to turn to the moon as a way of reframing time and connecting with the celestial bodies that have guided our planet since, well, the beginning. Each night, the waning or waxing crescent reminds me of the macro passage: an orbit that existed long before the Gregorian calendar. These incremental changes 238,900 miles away mirror incremental changes in my own life– cues to be patient, to trust, to allow for life’s natural flow over time; to just show up and see what happens.

It’s been two full moons since my return from Morocco: a foreign, mystical, ancient land that I’ve been yearning to explore for the better half of a decade. 

Over these two moons, I fasted for 30 consecutive days from sunrise to sunset in honor of Islam, which translates to “the act of submitting to the will of God,” in Arabic.

I prayed for 40 consecutive days, hoping to reframe my relationship with the word, “God.”

And I committed to softening for 66 days. Daily acts of surrender and self love, entrusting in a faith that’s guided me since childhood.

I share this in celebration of commitment and consistency: characteristics that I’ve long admired, but didn’t grow up with the structure for. And I share this in reverence of the inner peace that’s accumulated from quietly sitting still for extended periods of time (both easier and harder than it sounds).

A few friends have reached out and expressed their appreciation for this email… This loosely scheduled, generally unstructured creative endeavor that continues to push me out of my comfort zone. After two platforms, five years (3.5 on Substack) and 23 editions, I’ve come to cherish the way time fades away when I’m here, crafting a teensy little inbox experience. The endorphin high from flow feels like a small reward for submitting to the will of God and I’m humbled by the simple joy of showing up, over time.

These mini letters will continue to be sent quarterly: part reflection, part integration, part creative exploration. If you want to see what I’m drafting on a more regular cadence, check out @affirmationsformygirlies.

With deep love and gratitude,

沈鑫 // Em Shen