Choose You.
When small fragments of joy add up to life-changing transformation.
In the spirit of all.the.change. this year, I wanted to highlight a few updates before I dive into what’s really on my mind–
Goodbye TinyLetter, hello Substack!
If this is coming at you from a new email address, it’s because I’ve transitioned to a new writing server/ platform. Tech upgrades aside, you may want to save this email address or risk losing my monthly musings to the black hole that is the spam folder.
‘AND SO’ by Emily Shen
‘AND SO’ is a homonym to “ensō,” the Japanese word for ‘circle.’ The ensō circle is a powerful symbol and practice (pictured in the preview image) with a beautiful history. Amongst many things, it reminds me of our perfect imperfection and the perpetual homecoming to ourselves.
More structure... the good kind.
Each month’s note will now be led by a subject I find myself exploring, followed by related resources that have brought me joy or inspiration. My goal is to strike a balance between the philosophical thoughts that typically plague my brain, and the more lighthearted content that encourages me to stay curious.
Cocooned in the Bay Area with my folks and living life slooow (per my last mini-letter), I became viscerally aware of just how busy my brain tended to stay: flurries of creativity, occasional darkness, doing for the sake of doing, and – ironically – avoiding stillness whenever possible. Without the busy-ness of 80hr work weeks to distract me from myself, I was confronted with surprisingly negative internal dialogue and subconscious habits that would lead to inadvertent self-sabotage. It was one thing to recognize and understand these characteristics… it was another thing entirely to want to, or know how to, change such deep-rooted conditioning.
I didn’t really know where to start, or even what I actually needed, so I defaulted to the practices that helped me feel whole: Journaling. Gratitude. Bike rides. Reconnecting with old friends. Everyone has their own notion of these warm and fuzzies because it’s a universal version of love. Radical and honest self-love. Historically, this has appeared in my life like a flash in a pan: an afternoon of relaxing bliss, only to be jolted to reality by the Sunday Scaries. Maybe even a week of exhilarating adventure, inevitably coming to an end on the plane/ car ride home. This time around, these feelings accumulated bit by bit and showed me that it was possible for every day to be overflowing with happiness and clarity.
I realized that the more I chose the actions that poured back into myself, the more this joy spilled over. I guess like roll-over minutes, but for mental health. My heart has been consistently full, my mind has settled with a sharp(er) clarity, and my actions default to solution-oriented possibility instead of worrisome what-ifs. In choosing to create the best version of myself moment after moment, I inadvertently chose to create a life of profound happiness and deep joy.
The commitment to these choices is what now serves as my north star: if I *insert action here*, will it contribute to the positivity I wish to share with the world? Will it make me smile from ear to ear in the same way that soup dumplings do on the regular??
Fill in the blank. Evaluate the truthfulness of that statement. Repeat.
There’s still a whole lot to unpack/ heal/ work through and I’m just at the beginning of (an imperfect) process, but I gotta say that it feels pretty damn good. And while it’s helpful to have undisturbed blocks of time for these practices, I also realize that it’s not entirely realistic. After all, the majority of life is shaped by fragmented moments of mundane activity. Moments when our minds wander and we lose track. But if we can develop intentional self-love for brief slivers outside milestone celebrations, we can slowly reshape our lives into the extraordinary miracles we’ve always dreamed of living. I believe in this whole-heartedly because I am squarely on the path of that transformation myself.
Choose joy. Choose happiness. Choose you.
Sounds simple enough, right? You could say that. But it takes commitment to witness the impact over time. So start small. Start today. Start with one thing that fills your heart just a little bit more. Maybe reading this mini-letter was it (wink). Maybe it's just a quiet walk around the block. Whatever it is, do that thing. And then do it again tomorrow. Do it for as long as you can. I promise you– you’re worth it and you’ll be better off for it.
If you don’t know where to start, here are three gems that have been a welcome reprieve of creativity and inspiration for me:
Sideways – official music video
A gorgeous track and stunning visual approach dircted by my friend Naska. I will admit that I’m biased, but the simplistic artisty of this video was captivating.
This was a Substack recommendation & I’ve really enjoyed Ariel’s fun-loving tone as well as the quirky finds she decides to showcase. It’s been a welcome visual intermission in my inbox these last few weeks.
Are you even a millennial if you haven’t picked up board games by this stage of quarantine? I’m personally a fan of clever strategy, with multiple variations requiring <1 hour of my attention span. This one checks all the boxes & even works for solo game play!
I’d love to hear from you. You can like this post or leave a comment. Let me know the ways you are choosing *you* in this time! Big hugs until the next one.