“How can you be this annoyed in paradise?” was the thought that flashed through my mind as I rolled from fetal position into sukhasana, or seated pose. I was fresh out of a Peloton yoga class and despite 30 minutes of intentional, breath-led movement in Mexico, I was still fixated on my text exchange with a local surf school. They had quoted me $100 USD to rent an 8’ foamie for the week, half the cost of a brand new one straight from the factory and double what shops just 15 minutes north were charging.
The excessive mark-up was no doubt a reflection of our neighborhood and the influx of affluent tourists who flocked to the nearby Four Seasons Resort. It was a marginal cost in the grand scheme of our month-long trip, but I couldn’t help feeling my chest tighten at being lumped together with all the other, supposedly wealthy, English-speaking tourists who opted to stay in the area (read: all the other hwite people).
Fortunately, with a 2-hour head start on the west coast, I could settle into my ritual of morning pages to reflect on the flurry of feelings that seemed to hold me hostage:
What was I – actually – upset about?
Could I reframe these thoughts as an opportunity for growth?
How could I welcome more release into my physical body instead of the existing tension?
As I poured my frustration across three 8.5” x 11” pages, it dawned on me that even if I struggled with immediate answers, these were the right questions to ask.
“All the answers are contained within you if you pause long enough to listen.”
Is it vain to self-quote in a personal newsletter? Probably. But this line is one that I’ve written time and time again as a reminder to myself in moments of uncertainty or self-doubt.
It takes work – that unquantifiable, intangible, deep, personal ~work~, to arrive at a place where you trust yourself enough to listen for, recognize, and receive these answers, but they are always available. You can find them in the mysterious synchronicities that unfold every day and within the pockets of silence that need to be intentionally crafted in our chaotic, information-overloaded worlds. The answers will first come cryptically and through undecipherable messages, but as you continue to listen, you’ll be able to decode what it is that you hear.
This? This is the epic scavenger hunt that I’ve begun playing with life.
After all, what if life was more play than work?
And what if we could trust ourselves enough to always listen for the answers that led to happiness and freedom?